Royai- Living For

When he held the gun to his head, he’d thought, at that moment, he had nothing left living for.  

Eventually, he began to believe that continuing to live was the correct choice.  When she said yes to him, when he thought he had her love, he thought that it had all worked out.

He thought that perhaps, for once in his life, he’d made the right decision; something had worked out the way it should have.  The gun, tucked away in his bottom desk drawer, no longer seemed like a way out.  It felt like a mistake, one he’d never have to worry about considering again.

When she told him, when she left, it didn’t seem like a mistake anymore.  

Fingering the cool metal, he ran her words through his head, once again.  Before, he’d replayed memories to make himself smile, to comfort himself when she wasn’t around.  Now, her easy smile, her flashing amber eyes, the soft hush of her voice, seemed to mock him.  

It would be so easy, wouldn’t it?  A way out, an escape from those haunting memories, and all he had to do was pull the trigger.  A few moments, and he’d never have to hurt again, never have to feel that searing pain when he knew she was with that other man.  

It would make everything simpler, wouldn’t it?  She’d never have to worry about him again.  He wouldn’t have to keep maintaining this fragile façade that they’d been friends, only that, and that he didn’t mind that it would never be anything more.

With a few sentences, she’d erased everything he thought he knew.  

He wants to know if she truly loved him when she said she did.  But he can’t ask her, because he’s too afraid that the answer might be no.  He doesn’t want to consider that the happiest time of his life was founded on a lie.

With a few words, she’d erase everything he’d ever felt was worth living for.